Fabric Protection...

ok ok...

its time to discuss a serious subject....

welcum to Boned N Stoned
the Martha Stewart post....

On this segment we'll talk about the importance of Fabric Protection...
yes girls...

we pigs know that when your dealing with mass and copious amounts of lube, spit, sweat and bodily fluids when ur piggin out..
you gotta always think about protecting your fabrics....

some of you go grab a towel and drape it across a bed or couch...
some of you just use the same dirty piggy sheets n blankets...
some of u let it drip all over the place...
and then some of you gobble it all up and squeel... Weee Weee Weee !!!
...all the way home...

Well, on this episode of Boned N Stoned...
We'll be talking about the importance of Fabric Protection...

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Just a short message here from Christine Aguillera.
...as much as i cant stand the bitch... this mix rocks who ever the fuck remixed it... it just makes u wanna dance the demons outta ur body... yeah... when i get high... i need to get me rid of those demons !!



just stare at her face half way thru the video while ur lighting up a roach and enjoy it :)

...back to Martha...
ok, so, i order me this couch for my open work/live/eat studio... from all places.... the campiest of American House N Home....
Crate N Barrel....

so yeah... these two beasty lookin guys cum outta this big ass truck and hoist up this couch wrapped up in saran wrap... it looked like a big giant condom... meanwhile i had just been jerking off when they arrived so i dove and grabbed some plaid CK jammies and grabbed a dirty shirt from the laundry basket and ran to the door with my dick poking thru the fabric, and these guys looked at me and just smiled....one was pretty hot actually, but the other one was naaaaasty...

as their leaving, i discover that the couch hasn't been sprayed with the proper Fabric protection spray Scotch-Guarding stuff the use and i payed xtra for... so i spent the hole day on the phone with all these morons to get them to cum back n spray it...

and like Fuck !! Send me someone who's hot who can spray the couch and spray my hole full of jizz...

my ass is back in production boys...
yes... im back :))

its been awhile yes...
and im taking it easy here at 1st...

so i just scored me some more good grass....
and this stuff, just makes me wanna fuck n slut...

so im using it cautiously...
but i got online the other day, and hooked up with this guy... nuthin special looking or anything... avg body...but had a nice fat dick... he was kinda awestruck with me... he was in the mood to btm more... so i fucked him for awhile, but i had showered out and was ready for any dick that night.... so i lubed n stroked up his dick... got infront of him doggie and spread my hole out for him while i mashed my face into a pillow... so he stroked up his dick and slid it in nice n slow up my asss......


ohhhh fuck yeah.... its like riding a bike...
just give it a little push at 1st.... put a little muscle in it and then sit back and enjoy the ride :))
...and make sure your gears r oiled up good :p
LOL

he wasnt that good a fuck really....
he kept on getting floppy... or held back cumming up my ass cause i could tell he was close when he pulled out and pushed back in all the time....
so id go back to fuck him...and id get into it slow and then start to build up a hard raw pounding, and all i wanted to do was blast a load up some ass and leave, he kept on pushing me off his ass cause he was getting sore... fuck.. i dont fuck THAT Hard !! I know alot of fuckers that fuck Alot More Fucking Harder.... i call them Ass Rippers... Hello ?? I should know, why do you think my ass has been in such a mess since last Fall :p

Im not an Ass Ripper...
Im just a Hole Stretcher :))

so long story short.... i just ended up shooting a load on his face, wiped up and got out the door... the cell rings and its the luver....
he's like, whats going on tonight ?
Im like, big dinner party...40 friends of mine...
he's like... Ikes... and im like yeah....i would never subject you to that...

so i head to this party... smelling like sex n weed....
drowned down a couple margarita's and finished off the night with a couple pitchers in an Irish Pub filled with university kids...

but anyhooo...

back to Fabric Protection...
then me n the luver get on the topic... we had planned a quiet movie night... so as soon as i got to his place we started to play fight and argue about while movie we were gonna go see... he wanted to see the Beyonce Obssessed movie and i was pushing for the new Xmen Wolverine movie... my argument was that id rather see hot men in tights, instead of a depressing movie about a hot bitch gettin used n abused by her man...like isnt the choice obvious ??

so on our way out the door to the late show, he literally molested me in the hall, which ended up with me pinned to the bed all night getting my hole nailed till 4 am...

this is really good pot man :))

ok... Get your vomit buckets... This part may cause some of you Nausea...

so we wake up cuddling, spooning and nuzzling, birds chirping outside...
after another quick little fuck n suck session i hop and take a nice long hot shower... and cum out to find him making omlettes n sausages, but no coffee...eeeks.... How Martha Stewart is that !! How House n Home....

mabey im ready for my Magazine Cover Shot in the local fag rag.... Fab. Toronto's local fag rag magazine.
They have this section in the back called "Together", and they showcase a couple every week...
it goes something like this....

"Together - Tyler and Sammy (9 months)"

Tyler and Sammy knew each other for years, they hung out with the same friends, and knew each other from similar circles. They admired one another, but always got the impression that the one didnt like the other so much... until one night, they were both cruising Manhunt, and discovered each other on a cold wintery night...they watched a movie, hit it off, and now share 2 puppies overlooking the harbour in their new waterfront loft. Tyler says of Sammy, "he makes me go head over heals !!'... and Sammy looks down lovingly at their two pet poodles frolicking by their feet."

BARF !!!

the segments with fat lesbians is even worse... and the twink columnist is lame... so's the "Daddy" columnist... i mean... can they get anymore cliche ?? Mabey i should apply and become thier new Pig Columnist... wouldnt that be a gem !!
LOL

so then, we go and test out new matresses at various dept stores downtown...
Nothing screams Holy Matrimony, more that matress shopping....

Take some time to barf...
Yes Thankyou...

i spent an afternoon lying on a hundred matresses, discussing topics such as comfort, proper spinal alignment and fabric protection.... jeezus christ i wanted a joint... Holy Matrimony is intimidating... its overwhelming...

im not ready for those Fabric Protection years yet....
i dont wanna be browsing Home n Garden Showrooms, looking for Garden n Patio furniture.... but its comming up on me quickly... its age... 29 and half years old...

im like a little kid...
when someones asks me, How old i am ?
i reply back... "29 and a Half", just as if i was a 4 and a half year old answering a question. I can be very cute at times :)

so... enuf about me....
i just wanted to share the good news...
my ass is back in service...

contruction season is over...
its time to open the new roadways and tunels....
they've been rebuilt and re-inforced better than before...
you can travel quicker and the laneways can handle more traffic than ever...
periods of conjestion may occur during peak seasons and inclement weather conditions...

the good news is... your patience and tax dollars is appreciated...

Haha...
i should go into politics.... my charisma and dick could entice millions :p

but id rather be a producer of porn, thats more my calling :)
and my sorta porn calls for furniture with good Fabric Protection....

so Pigs....please treat your pieces of treasured possesions with care....
cover, spray and protect with good Fabric Protection...
cause u never know where you may need to wipe that seed off with your tongue :)