Back to Business...

well piggies...

i knows its been awhile...

i told u i was quitting smoking....

and ive barely lit a joint in a month either...

well... im lying...

i had some to last a couple days...
dental procedure...
a friend was kind enough to give me some...

im such a baby when it cums to the dentist....
but there is no fucking way im going into the dentist sober....
ive gotta be stone fuckin stoned....

a buddy later asked me if i scored some Laughing Gas...
alas no...
i kinda think the dentist knew i was stoned...
answering every question with an "uh huh" all glass eyed, sorta gave it away...
that, and i was laughing like a hyena watching South Park while the fat cunt fiddled away on a filling...
but i did score 20 toothbrushes and 5 tubes of toothpaste...

now... some of you may call it stealing....
but when u goto the dentist's bathroom, and he's got a box of them sitting beside the can open...
and i just happened to have my gym bag with me...
and i figured out the fucker charges me more than he should be...
well...
thats no excuse...
i confess...
i took the cheap ass toothbrushes !!
Yes...
it was me motherfuckers!!
i took em all...
fucking fat cunt dentist...

its like going to the self checkout at the supermarket...
i buy the most expensive tomatoes... and i punch in the code for the cheapest ones...
please.... they're tempting me with corruption....
its not like a whole supermarket chain is gonna go bust cause of little ol' me saving a few pennies....
they're the stupid asses who put trust in the customer to punch in the produce codes...
not my problem i happen to be a dumb blonde and i punch in the wrong one...
oops :)


so lets just say if any of you happen to drop by for a spliff or a drinkey...
ur more than welcum to help urself to a toothbrush...
its the least i could do for a fuck...

cause if there's anything i cant stand in a man... its bad breath...

funny thing...
the last set of boyfriends always told me i never had bad breath....
cause i always told em' about theirs...
while they usually told me my armpits smelled sweaty...

honey...
i know how to use a stick of deoderant...
i just choose not to slather it on 24-7
at least my teeth will never rot...

--------------------------------------------------
so i had a bit of pot for a couple days....
but i didnt feel like blogging...

and most of you come here to jack off...
i dont see any of you knocking on my door offering me a joint...
mabey if some of my friends did, i wouldnt be such a cunt....

that and i made a promise not to blog sober...

....so why am i here?
well... i may not necessarily be stoned...

but im under the influence of sleeping pills and red wine...
and my head is fucking spinning...
cant sleep...

i was hoping a good jack off would do the trick so here i am...
so ive gone thru half a bottle...

its really quite good....
its some fruity Argentinian shiraz...
quite nice...
makes the sleeping pills go down nice...

well...

lets do what we're all here to do....

Back to Business folks...

There should be enough video there to last awhile....

or U Can Suck My Balls Mr.Garrison !!


nitey nite :)

Lite Up...

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Testing, Testing...

oink oink...



oink oink...





oink oink...




OINK OINK !!!



Testing...testing...
the emergency broadcast system...
testing the boundaries...
testing the limits....



so my summer is pretty much over pigs...
im back at work for the fall season...
long long hours ahead...

so just before the last long stretch off...
i decided to hit the beach...
and a buddy of mine came to join me...


toronto beach culture is fucking lame-O.
but it was a fun day with good company...
so after a long hot day on the beach...
cruisin men, smokin dope, and cooling off in the frigid lake...
we ended up at his place chillin on the patio...
nice way to end the night...

little did i know i was gonna get raped...
little did i know...
the fun part was the spontanaeity of it...
and the fact we were drunk and high as fuck...

why pass out on the couch watching a movie...
when u can fuck :)

it was a bit of a blur for me...
my buddy is pretty hot...
nice guy...
10 years my senior...
fit...
with a nice fat dick...

oh that dick...
its fuckin delish...
especially after i swallow it whole after it cums outta my ass...
oh yeah...

its been a long while ive taken a good dickin...
and been a submissive bitch...

he fucking pounded and pounded and pounded and pounded and pounded my ass....
fuuuuuuuck !!
it was fuckin good dude....
my ass totally opened up, and it was a slosh slosh sloshin good time...
and it tasted really fuckin good...

fuck when ur high and you've got the pasties, you'll lick at anything to drink...
cummy dick...
wet hole...
swallowing gobs of spit...
yeah...
it was a pretty piggy fuck...

Testing, testing....
1...
2...
3...

i thinks my ass is hungry for more dicks...

Extreme Heat Alert

piggies, piggies, piggies...

fuck me...
i just got this new batch of weed...
and its fuckin ace..
wow...

i say... Toronto weed is starting to be just as good as Holland's...
this new stuff gives me so much energy, i ended up mowing 4 lawns yesterday, outta the blue after borrowing the landlords mower... one of those manual push ones... got outside shirtless in a tight pair of addidas jogging shorts...and went fucking wild on everyones lawn... The neighbours were looking out their windows in shock... I had emerged from the batcave... the landlord even cums out and gives me a few cold drinks... passerby's are walking by, admiring my tan... ahhh... a nice summer day....

so.. the pot...
dude...
its some of the best shit ive ever had...
and its makes u horny as fuck...
i dunno if its the extreme heat alert...
its smoggy, humid and hot here... 32 degrees (and i dunno, like a 100F for my piggy yankee cousins)...
but im mutherfuckin superkalafrajalistic horny...

i shot like 4 loads in a row jerking off last nite...
another one today...
and then i hook up with this hot pig...
tattoos...piercings...
and a hot wet sticky hole...
he got bred earlier...

so i went to town on his fucking ass...
in every room...
ate him out a couple times...
made him slurp off my cock...
and bred him with another huge load...

like my loads r so big, i shoot myself on the face every time...
fuck...
this is gooood fucking weed dude...

damn...

i have so many fucks to blog about...
but who's got the fuckin times...
seriously...
I know i havent told u pigs anything about my trip overseas...
and yeah... its long overdo..

i dont exactly blog all my action...
fuck, if i did...
id have a new post every other day....

but im waiting for a friend to show up soon...
so i got the time to kill...

fuck... i better hide the lube n poppers lying around...
and jeezus...
i need a shower...
i smell sooooo fucking good...
my armpits reek like ambrosia...

everyone's armpits reek during Extreme Heat Alerts...
the city opens the shelters for the homeless...
they give out free bottled water at civic venues...

ur balls hang twice as low...
the pigs r lurking around...
every dick is lookin for some luvin...
everyones juice is drippin from their noggins...

fuck...
Extreme Heat Alert...

Cirque du Coq

so i just got home from a Comedy club...
friends birthday...
fuck...
i have too many Leo and Cancer friends...
everyone wants to gorge out on sushi for their birthdays this year.
Jeezus fuckin christ... if i see another piece of sushi this summer im gonna become an Unagi roll and drown myself in a vat of soy sauce !!

so.. Comedy club...
a chain of them is called Yuk Yuk's...
they usually bring in the better comedians...
or so i thought....

The host was i think Canada's 1st and only openly gay male comedian...
cute kid actually...
whitey as they cum...
and kinda funny...
i think i im funnier than him...
thats how comedians get my respect...
if their funnier than me...
then their good :)

im a tough crowd...
u gotta be really fucking good at joking around to get my attention...
u gotta be cynical... or dark... or dirty... or just plain silly...
thats how u get a laugh outta people....

so the gay kid is ok...
he's got the str8 crowd laughing... (and its better than Bruno, just got a "chinese copy" of it ...that movie is a fucking joke... and seriously... Sasha Baron Cohen... need i say more ? :)

so after 10 mins, he introduces the 1st act...
and up cums this Geek...
like Nerd Supremo...
and he starts doing a jiggy hokey dance on stage...
and his routine was mostly done on a CD voiceover while he "intentionaly" lip cinqued...
and one of his comedy routines involved a Math Quiz with a tape recorder...
the crowd was awestruck...
at the amazing genius...
of the Geek of Comedy...
OMG...

if i ever looked that bad on stage...id seriously want you guys to throw tomatoes at me...
id appreciate the gesture...
fuck...
the look on my butchy russian friend sitting across from me was priceless...
she looked at him the same way she looks at me when she's angry...
like she wanted to commit murder...
lol

haha
that was a funny...

get it...
its all about the comedy...

or is it...

mabey sometimes its just about the sex...

cause i gotta say...
i was famished when i showed up for dinner...
that sushi really did hit the spot....

i had spent the last hour pounding the fuck out of some hot daddy hole (42 y/o to be exact),
.... nothing spectacular...
just some plain ol, wam bam, thank you man, sorta hook up.
took a quick piss on my way out the door...
nipple pinch and quick peck at the lips... and off and away...

dontcha wish when u went out to see a show or have a drink at the bar, u could see some real live porn ?
like, not guys doing it in a dark corner or darkroom of a bar.
i mean... like a real, live sex show... with professional actors on stage...
who will fuck... scream...suck... swallow... lick, prick and dick on stage... just like he would shooting it on film in a studio or set ?

id pay to see that shit...
real live porn theater...
...and im not talking about the lame ass porn theatre in amsterdam...

im talking like taking Treasure Island Media, Live on Stage.
Cirque du Soleil.

But call it Cirque Du Coq...
i kinda like that...

Cirque Du Coq....
Yuk Yuk

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1st Act....




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2nd Act....



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
and our Headliner...

Mamma Mia !!

ok pigs...

apparently some of u r just a bit too touchy about the subject of race...

listen... the reality is... racism is rampant in our society, and most people hide or mask it to appear more socially acceptable. In private circles...most people r fucking racist as hell...

so... if u were offended by me calling a CheapJewWhore...well, a cheap Jew whore... why dont we just call the guy Joshua. that sounds pretty fucking biblical...

so in reference to my last post... i threw CheapWhore Joshua 3 dollars worth of bus change...

is that better?
does that make it all sound nicer...

fuck

so any reference to paki's and the Paki Taxi Driver's son, will now be known as Ahmed Salam's....

i met some dude on the beach today actually... he looked like an Ahmed Salam... but instead he was a Wop...

oops... sorry
i did it again...
sorry... i didnt mean Wop...
I meant Luigi...

Mamma Mia !!

fuck me
someone cum wash my mouth out with soap !!

Clean n'Go. Me Amigo.

Take a toke dude.... and enjoy the tunes....
i luv waking up in the morning to a nice sunny bright day....
birds chirping...
and house music playing in the background....
i leave it on constantly...

so like fuck... its finally stopped raining !!
every fuckin day... rain rain rain !!!
like what the fuck dude... we've been having torential monsoon downpours here all month...
i feel like i live in a dingy metal shack... water dripping from everywhere...paint bubbling on the walls... chunks of tree outside the front door. I fucking swear lightning hit my place dude... My roomate had a friend over...and it literally shook us both out of bed... we ended up rolling a skinny with a spanish coffee for the hangover, and ended up cuddling watching lighning bolts hit all the trees in the distance, listening to the pitter patter of metal pots dripping behind us. Oh fuck... i gotta move outta this cave... I need a better kennel... something bright... spacious... minimalist.... with a sling hanging... i need a sling room...
yeah...
my next space will have play in mind...
can the floors handle a little piss?
is there enough privacy outdoors on the patio?
can i supersize the tub ?
will the walls contain yelling, moaning, and screaming ?
and...
the sling room....
i've always wanted a little gym/yoga/sling room...

Throw in a weight set... a large wrestling mat and my pilates ball... a flat screen tv for music or porn... and hang a sling from the corner ceiling... presto... Gym/Yoga/Wrestling/Fuck room... its perfect.



ok... so fuck....where was i.....
its finally a nice fuckin day....
think im headed to the beach....
it'll be dead too... its a fuckin tuesday...
so if anyone there is worth fooling around with, ill have some privacy...

one thing about the nude beach here in toronto, is its crawling with fugglies... that walk around naked and wag their dicks around...

ill be lying in the sand... tanning my buns, listening to some tunes... and all these wrinkly 60 year olds walk by wagging their dicks around... jeezus...

oh... interuption... the mail man is here....and he's not cute at all... he looks like a polish homer simpson... where's the regular guy ??



----------------------------------------------------------------------

i got distracted by a little porn...
sorry dude...

ok... ive packed all my shit for the beach...
lets see if i have it all...

mexican beach blanket...check...
towel... check...
xtra Che Guevera tshirt...check...
lotion and spf....
raybans, pink bic lighter and joint...check...
4 cans of Budweiser and an Energy Rockstar chillin in the freezer...
poppers, lube, and a cockring...
fuck im biking guys... the boys get kinda mushed on the seat...
some munchies... pretzel bites, cashews, and sour gummies...
oh...and i can see them sticking outta my bag...

Clean n' Go wipes...
fuck... i luv clean n go

Dude.. its awesome...
i usually keep em in the car....
so after im done playing in the park... or after i get outta the bars n shit... i can hop in the car...and wipe off all the sticky cum n lube off me... especially if ur headed to work, or out to meet friends its essential....

Clean n Go...
i should do commercial advertising... ive got the voice and face for it :)

so last nite, i hit some of the trails down by the waterfront... but it was fuckin dead... and the mosquitoes were nasty.. i was fuckin bitten up n down my body... and i hate treading thru spider webs... its the most fucking annoying thing...especially when ur high...
so i hop into the batmobile...or grandpa... or muffy...
i give the bitch a different name every month...
she's running like a jem right now...
better than ever before...
so now its the Batmobile...

u know...my car's actually a virgin eh?
ive never fucked in my car...
ive jerked off and sucked dick in my car...
but never fucked...
i really hate car sex...
the space is limiting...
but sex outside a car...
now i have no problem with that...
or a convertible...
i totally dig open top vehicles...
or pickup trucks...
u can totally fuck on them...in them..on top of em... whatever !

i got a girlfriend with a nice Audi leather seated convertible...
the bitch luvs gettin fucked in it...
and i luv riding in the back !

so these trails were lame.. so i hop in the batmobile and hit the highway...
windows rolled down....
house music blarring...
me...flying high...
dude... no worries..
i actually drive much better and safer stoned...
im more of a crazy maniac behind the wheel sober...

so i hit this cruising area off the highway thats tucked into the valley...
i luv biking and cruising the trails in the valley...
lotta hot boys in the valley...

i drive around...and this one lot was empty...
ive tapped some ass there...
so i drive to another lot thats more lit...
i gotta say about 8 cars were there...



so i light up my roach and chill to the music...
then i see a hot punky guy comming outta the bush and walking towards this Jetta parked beside me...
and then i nearly choked...

its a buddy of mine...
im actually not fazed...
i know he's a bit of a pig... and probably a pot head too...
but he looked so freaked out... i just pretended to talk on my cell phone so that he wouldnt have to approach me....
he hopped in his car and sped off...

LOL
we both have a very close mutual friend...
and ive caught him lurking around b4...and he probably thinks im gonna blab on him...

dude...
fuck...
i couldnt care less...
...but i can so tell he wants to suck my dick...

i might even bump into him on the beach today... he's always there...

so after he takes off... a black guy and some paki cum outta the bush... i wait for them to flee and then head in myself... but it was sooo fucking dark, i couldnt see shit baked... and this wasnt a regular hangout out of mine... so i dont know the trails good...
i hop back in the car... and by then, there were only 2 or 3 cars left... i drive to an open field nearby and light up a smoke outside the car... it was so fucking dark, u could barely see a couple feet in front of u... so i walk around the batmobile...and this guy is standing beside a tree....he looked pretty fit and young... so i get closer and get a good look at him... he looks like a cute little lumberjack... he's wearing cargo shorts... hiking shoes...backpack, baseball cap... fleece sweater with a tight white tee underneath.... looked 24 years old... scruffy blond beard... Woof !! A valley boy.

he feels my rock hard dick and gets down on his knees and starts sucking it...
he uses lots of spit, so it feels really good... but he used some teeth too...and i fuckin hate that...
he could really deep throat it nice though...
his dick was small....

hot woofy kid...
but a dissapointing dick...
poor guy...
his girlfriend is probably getting banged up by some other punk im sure...
and he was kinda goofy... asking me all these questions between him sucking my dick, or me sucking on his cute lips...
he was a great kisser...
it was like high school makeout...
us jacking our dicks...
sucking face...
and playing with his sweaty hole, which he loved...moaning like a dog...
so i pushed him down to the dirt when i was close and shot a huge load over his tongue and face...
he lapped up as much cum as he could....
i pull him back up...and continue the make out session...tasting my load...
it was kinda salty...
not bad...

i was more in the mood for sweets...
so me and the lumberjack kid part ways...
i hop back in the car... and what do i do...

Clean n Go...
wipe, wipe...
all better :)

hop over to the 24 hr supermarket and get some munchies...

a precooked rotiserrie chicken. $9.99 ....who doesnt luv rotiesserie chicken...

a pack of chewy sour candies. $2.29 ..for those sweet n sour cravings....

one large carton milk. $5.29

one box of Fruity - O's (cheaper Fruit loops) $ 2.99

...and only one 20$ bill in my pocket...
fuck !!
i avoid taking the wallet with me when i go out hunting the trails...
so i just had some cash and a licence...
fuck

no Fruit Loops...damn...

ok... now i hear thunder outside...
Like what the FUCK !!
can i not have one bloody fucking day of sunshine !!!

fuck this city !!
if its not feezing...its humid...if its not raining...its snowing... if its not foggy...its grey and overcast...
toronto is not a Sunshine Destination...

Attention all Pigs...
if u were planning a trip here...
dont sweat the SPF...
u dont fucking need it...
but dont forget the Bug Spray...

i guess a bottle of Tag would do just fine...
and always travel with some Clean n'Go :)

----------------------------------------

Warning... This vid is a little sick...
but i had to post it when i saw Brad Maguire was in it...

i dont get the hole "brown" thing...
some guys dig it...
but what turns me on more about this clip..
is the fact that these pigs are so turned on and into it...

umm... and remember

Clean n'Go. Me Amigo.
Clean n'fuckin Go !!

...for our Feature Presentaion !

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Feeding time...

Once upon a time,
there was a little boy,
who's dick grew big,
and didn't know why...

it hurt and it hurt,
it would grow so big,
and stand up so tall,
it made him feel like something was worng...

but along came the day,
the joystick was found,
and to this day,
has never put it down.

he stroked and he swirled,
the skin felt so hot,
and then all of a sudden,
the jizz flew right out...

he thought it was weird,
it made him feel good,
the priest said it was bad,
yet the boy was no fool...

he grew up to discover,
that his dick was fat,
the boys would suck it,
like it was their last...

and then one day,
he got stabbed up the ass,
and after the weapon was fired,
it creamed out his ass...

this boy likes to shop,
some times he cant stop,
he slides and he slides,
his debit hard too hard...

but after the retailers,
have sucked his pockets dry
he turns right around,
and gives them another ride...

LOL

fuck me...
im back...

sorry...
vaycay dude...
ive got tons to fucking blog...
i really wanted to blog my pig sex with u...but who the fuck has the time to run to an internet cafe...pay...and have a lack of privacy writing this shit...
the recollections wont be as accurate...
they're already hazy in my mind...
but ill tell u one thing...
i bred and got bred lots :)

and besides... how am i supposed to screen and stroke to the porn i send your way in a cafe ? ...exactomundo !!

travelling without the laptop was weird. its almost feels like not travelling with a cell phone. I need global GPS at my fingertips at all times. so im thinking, i gotta get a fuckin iPhone. that and my trusty little Ericsson is starting to fritz. Think of the possibilities... i could screen porn at work or on the road, and post it on the blog that same day... any of you fucking pigs wanna contribute to the fund ??

fuck, why am i not making any money off this shit...
bloggin aint easy bitches... takes alot of time n effort...

you know why bloggers like to blog ??

other than the fact, that to be a true blogger...
you gotta have a somewhat selfish ego (please fellow pig bloggers, we all do :)
you either do it because you love to write....or be creative and artistic, or enjoy photography and film...
some of you do it for a living, or for profit...
and some of you do it to get more dick...

im not like that... i keep the blog private...
so ive never used the blog for dick...

but that might change...
ive got a few iders floating in my head...

why not make some cash outta this... and get more dick...
Eh ?
Fuck ya :))

but that shit could take me awhile... i got a busy fucking life too...

so in the mean time...
here's some fucking porn...

Sorry i havent fed you in awhile pigs...
i thought u guys could use the diet and exercise....
and its fucking summer !!
Get out there and fucking Pig It Up !!
get off the keyboard...and over to the park... or the gym... or the bathhouse... or the beach...and put ur ass or ur dick into good use !!

Feeding time... take it easy... dont gorge...
and remember to take ur time chewing...
oink

BonedNstoned

Duty Free

I brought you pigs back a gift from the Duty Free,
its pretty fresh shit...
they've got that weird sticker on them, so i guess they've been inspected by the local health department.
I think they've got Swine Flu...
the guy who checked me out at the Duty Free at Charles De Gaule looked like a hot pig....
if my flight wasn't nearly finished boarding, i would have def cruised him in the bathrooms down the hall...
"Last Call for Flight 69 to Toronto"
....fuck
i dreaded hearing those words...
i wasnt ready to cum back...
i gave piggy at the cash a wink, and told him to visit toronto soon :)
he smiles, and then gives me this slutty french sleaze look,
i wanted to grab the pack of M&M's beside the cash and shove them up his hole and eat them back out !!
Woof


...a lot more to follow soon :)
oh fuck ya !!

xox
BonedNstoned